1.2 On despair. Finding emotional attachment

Growing up, I always had a feeling that I couldn't feel. I would sit around and look at others have fun and would wonder what it would feel like to have fun. I longed for the feeling of joy. Was joy found in doing stuff or was it found at the end of doing stuff? What made the kids laugh while they we're running after the ball, what were they thinking? Was that joy?

I have come to accept that joy is joy. And that fun comes the ritual of doing, but I still have questions about developing emotional attachment. For the next few sections I will seek to elaborate.

When I think about emotional attachment, I think about my mother. I love my mom. I love my mom because I just do. With this love comes respect a feeling to want to do stuff for her that will make her happy. I suppose this bond was supposed to be both for learning about emotions and for teaching the actions of emotional attachment.

Another way I can speak about emotional attachment is in thinking about my wife. I love my wife. I feel. The strongest bond to her. I'm not happy when she is not around, and I'm not happy when she is sad. I want to do all I can for her so that she can always be full of joy. When I think about her I don't th about me. I become secondary. I want for her to achieve all that she can do all she can be all she can. and I want to help her do these things. I respect her, try m best to be kind to her, basically do all that is good for her. Try my best to please her.

Still. I wonder if what I have just described is an expression of emotional attachment or stalking. Are the lines that thin? And still I will say I love my wife because I do. That love and joy and fun are different forms of the same thing.
Lucas Fontenelle