On belief and looking at another year.

So the year is winding down. One more week and lots of change has happened in the previous fifty. From one where big ideas and lots of faith kinda paid off. One where belief in a higher power has helped me to see and understand that this here life is full of possibilities, especially for those who believe.
So what do we have to believe in? Everything, and nothing.
First we have to believe in ourselves. Yea the voices in our heads are saying that we are great. We must believe that above the doubt and doubters. We must believe that we are competent at at least one thing. Don't believe the words of doubt. Do believe in infinite possibility.

Second believe that if we want to accomplish anything, we can get it done. This is easier done than said. A lot of energy is wasted trying to convince your self that you can't jump over th hurdle. Just jump. If you fall you get up and keep running. Failure is an option. Quiting isn't.

Third, there will be screw ups. Murphy's law and I paraphrase: shit must happen. Therefore in the plans allow twenty percent for: miscalculation, haters, the man, and incompetent humans. These are natural factors of living on our planet. And if you don't budget for them you can only expect eighty percent. See why over achievers put in one hundred and twenty percent? If this statement makes you feel overwhelmed, consider the above three paragraphs. And believe. Everyone can do anything they believe they can do. If you want to get it done you will get it done.

Maybe I should stop numbering now. Next, pray. Whether you pray to the God of the christians, or the gods of the greeks, hell the sun god, or the lack of a God, pray. Prayer is a way of admitting that " although I am awesome I am nothing without the influence of a greater power. My human shell is not powerful enough to accomplish 120 percent. And by myself I can't pass with nothing greater than a C. Prayer makes us have hope, and makes others feel obligated to help us. Prayer makes realize that it is okay to ask for help. Prayer makes us realize that it is okay to fall. It makes us diminish the ego.
Finally prayer urges us to believe.

Be thankful for what you have. When you are thankful for what you have, you begin to see that you could be worse, or worst off. Be thankful, and then work for more.

So these are the lessons that I learned. References to you or us, were the lessons that I learned. I am sure the can work for everyone.

Lucas K Fontenelle

Starting fresh

It can be amazing to do a fresh install.  Delete all the crap and start over.  Sure you have to remember all of the serial numbers to the important programs. And sure you have to back up the important stuff.  and sure it takes at least 30 minutes to flash the system.  But in the end the performance is awesome.
The message always perform a fresh install yearly.

Carrying loads.

In life we carry many loads. Some are physical, like glasses or bowls, and some are mental- worries are an example. Some things, or people are built or trained to carry heavy loads. Growing up, we had a small part of or farm in a valley, and on harvest days we had to carry most of the loads uphill. By the time I was twelve, I could carry about one hundred and thirty pounds of cabbage for about half a mile uphill.

Of course, I didn't start with the heavy basket of cabbage. As far back as I can remember, the loads started light. When I was five I carried a gallon of water, by the time I was ten, it was a box of tomatoes which was between thirty and fifty pounds. To an outsider this may seem strange, but for us it was fun. I was trying to out- do my brothers. So I learned fast and got stronger faster. The point here is that given the right conditions, we can learn to become stronger, we can learn to carry heavy loads.

There also exists another way. Instead of learning to get strong, we can innovate. This approach is different, but requires the same kind of effort. Innovation requires the development of mental fortitude. Here instead of leaning to bare the pain of tired muscles under weight, one learns to overcome the boredom and mundainess of repeating stuff over and over and over again. At the same time one has to consider how to make the process more efficient over the scope of the project. One has to consider all of the factors that could possibly affect the process, and figure out ways to eliminate them.

From these two instances, it seems that in order to get work done there is always some form of stress or load. Unlike muscle stress which at the end of the day makes me want to sleep; mental load keeps me up all night.
Lucas K Fontenelle

On comparing apples and oranges.

I suppose that it is human nature to compare things in order to
decipher one from another. If comparing was done chiefly for this
reason the world would be a better place, however when most compare
things, the classification is vertical. We seem to always see things
as better than or deficient from another.

The tendency to vertically compare things cam lead to trouble,
especially when we compare things that on the surface seem alike, but
upon closer examination, are vastly different. A few pairs of
objects that we compare are; boys and girls and apples and oranges.
One reason that it may seem fit to compare apples and oranges, is that
fundamentally, they are both fruit. They have beautiful skins, they
contain seeds, they are good for ones health. On the other hand, boys
and girls are both humans.

By placing objects or things into a broad category it makes it easier
for many people to easily grasp the concept that is being discussed.
This shortcut, like most others is not without consequence. For
example oranges are yellow-orange, but that doesn't mean that all
fruit are that color or even have half of the properties of oranges.
Added to this, there are several varieties and flavors of oranges.

In  the same way, while humans are the same, essentially, they come in
SO many flavors also.  The message here is that all things are unique. Even
though they may have commonalities with others that look like them.
Therefore, when dealing with people and things we should work hard
to not treat them by the expectations of our broad categorization.
--

On moving on today's data.

Researchers depend on on major statistical technique for determining if a comparison is valid: Regressions and their coefficient.  But the flaw in statistics, really is determining the mean, and evaluating the mean against the population.

The problem with todays business has the flaw of not enough data.  Volatility in many markets are based on the latest data.  We speed to sell or buy based on what we hear today.  

The problem with this is figuring trends. A simple way to think about it is a question we hear at the doctor.  "Do you consume alcohol regularly?"  Well there is no exact answer for that.  If you drink a pint a day, well yea.  If you drink 5 pints one day a month, well thats regular too... somewhat.  What if you drink a bottle of scotch and get hammered once a year on your birthday, or every six months? Thats regular too. The point here is that "regular" is more about volume over time than frequency.

If we use this concept to define market data, we see big changes based on the latest data.  We try to be ahead of the curve by buying or selling at the latest data point.  Such tactic is stupid. Data tends to trend over time and blips in either direction can have no effect on the average, especially if the average is based on a broad timeline.  Two percent today, could be wiped by -2 tomorrow and +1 on the day after.   

Since there is an obvious cost to trading, it would make sense to save the transaction costs and hold.

Why big business is needed to fix the US economy.

When the recession began sometime in 2006, and economists were debating whether we were in a recession, I recall many of them talking about the consumer would be the key to keeping the US economy growing.  Three years later there is still talk about the consumer driving the economy.  We keep hearing that consumer spending is about two thirds of the economy and of that one half of the retail sales in this country significantly impact the psychology of investors, bankers and the stock market.  We hear that consumer spending needs to be increased, yet we hardly hear from economists, a plan for increasing spending.

From a fundamental perspective, or perhaps from my pure science background, I see that if we expect the economy to grow, the powers that be (government, big business, bankers, corporations) need to support the consumers.  And they need to provide this support in a synergistic way.

Here’s why.  

If the government supports the consumer, by creating capital improvement jobs, supporting unemployment, more stimulus, it makes the country broke.  This means that the fed will have to print more money  thus devaluing the US currency; congress will have to raise taxes, because money does not come from thin air. Cutting spending will create more unemployment which would lead to the government needing more money to support unemployment. Thus, if we rely on government alone to lead us to fast growth, it just wont happen, or we would need a new kind of politician who doesn't mind loosing their job by raising taxes. In essence, we cant rely on Washington alone.

If we expect the banks to give consumers direct credit, so that they Jill public can go out and buy shoes at the mall, that too will be bad.  First Jill needs the credit to fix her home so that her family can make it comfortable.  Since she cant “flip” the house in six years, her family has to decide how they will make the 1000 sq foot house comfy until she can get a better job. Of course if credit is going to be used, especially at today’s rates,  it had better be important.  Say for a big purchase of a durable  good- to replace a broken water heater perhaps?  Or maybe for a project that will reduce energy consumption, like a new energy star appliance, insulating the attic, or new low-e windows.  Since 9.5 percent of people have no jobs, plus the additional 1.4 million that don't have jobs and but don't count in the statistic, credit probably wont happen.  And since many people foreclosed on their home reducing their 650 credit score by 150 or more, credit wont happen. And since income growth is small, and people need to pay off the debts they already have, and since credit lines have shrunk, credit wont happen. The odds of not getting credit are greater.  Thus we cant depend on the banks.

Some economists speak about the need for small business to jump-start the economy.  They have saved us before you see. But just like Joe and Jill public need to face the banks so they can buy stuff, so does Mom and Pop.  Small business need capital or money so that they can hire people for increased production; or for the new machine that will improve production or for the new hire that will work the new machine that will improve said production. Since small business has to make stuff before they sell stuff, and they first need the money to make the stuff, they need money.  And since the odds of not getting credit are higher, then small business will have to rely on increasing productivity the old way: make enough profits to buy more stuff to make more stuff.  That will take years.

Of course there are folks who can begin driving the economy.   Folks with money who don't need to to ask the banks for money.  Like the government, who’s members would loose their jobs if they provided more money for the economy increasing the unemployment cycle, and  Big Business.  If the large corporations with large cash reserves would quit sitting on their billions, and hire people, maybe they can start moving the economy again.  Large corporations need to hire to maintain their competitive edge, so they need brains for R&D, and the R&D grind. Large corporations need employees to expand the safety and reliability of their products.  For example Apple need folks to figure out why the iPhone 4 cannot be used as a “phone”;  Microsoft has to figure out how to prevent the “blue screen of death” on Windows 7 and death by Google. GE needs to make an LED light bulb that costs less than 25 bucks so that people can actually use the technology to reduce energy consumption, and BP and others need to figure out how to drill in deep water without killing the ocean, birds, and economies of the Gulf states.  And that's just to get started.

If the large conglomerates  hire more  employees, then the productivity of the company increases, which means the company will need to increase orders to small business.  Small business will make profits faster, which will enable them to have more money to hire more folks or buy the big machine that will increase their output.  They will then be able to hire folks to operate the machines that's make the stuff that they sell to the big companies.  If large companies hire more people, we get better and safer medicines, better health care, smarter applications.  Since more people have jobs they would  have more money to spend.  Joe could then consider taking the loan to improve the energy savings of his house, which will give small business more profits to hire some one to make more stuff for building homes.  Now that we have increased the workforce, and the home project is half way, Jill might say, “While were at it,  why not purchase an energy efficient fridge?  So now GE has to make more fridges, which they have to get the components from small business, who then have more money to hire more people to make more components from GE.  And since GE made profits on the refrigerators, they can now spend more money on making the LED light bulbs cheaper.  A win, win.

Then with all of the needs taken care of, people will then go out and buy stuff that they don't need, like more clothes, shoes, eat out and all that.

Big business needs to realize that they are the ones who need to be taking the risk at this economic era.  Banks are broke, small business's, don't have capital, and people don't have jobs.  Most of all, since the government is stretched holding all of these other components of the economy together, another force is needed for growth.  And since Europe is in the same economic boat as we are, and we need the oil form the Arabs, starting a war is out of the question.

Still, we may be facing a sadder reality.  The longer we wait to start moving the economy,  the longer the population of people who support retail will have to realize will really don't need to spend their money on clothes shoes and all of that junk that fills the pocket of retailers and if “trickling up” was possible, big business.  Thus the two thirds of the GDP which produce the 1% growth these days will continue to decline together with the stock market, the government and the big business that they support.

And there was Joy.

Some people feel sad.  And the opposite of that is Joy. Many things make us sad.  Achiving the balance is really what that is needed... I suppose.

Going off grid hours at a time

When Bell received the patent for the telephone, (I say patented, because many other smart fellas worked on the idea during the same era and knowing the worth of intellectual property, I will not give credit to Bell at the expense of the others... but I digress)  I am sure he had the idea that one day, communications technology would come to the point where, you don't even need a physical phone to make a phone call.  Of course he probably didn't know exactly how it would be done, but being a man of science, I sure he thought about the possibility.

Of course now that communications technology has come to the point where we need less physical lines to convey our emotions, voices, and ideas, a new question arises.  Do we always have to be available to receive the communications of others?

Saying this, I am imagining the days before the telephone, heck, before email, or Facebook, or Twitter. Wasn't it just cool to just be at peace? You wanted to say how your family was doing you wrote a letter, and waited weeks, even months for the other to get the message, and even more time to get the response.  Your significant other went off to war you worried in peace, or forgot about them until you got the next letter.  Back then, people had time; time to think, decide, feel, cry, laugh.  Since there was nothing else to be done you could read a letter twice, and replicate, dare, reconsider an emotion to to someones communication.  Disclaimer: I was not there, so I imagine it was so.

Conversely, with the speed of communication in our era, we spend a lot of our time listening to , reading, sharing and re-twitting peoples ideas, and ours too.  Industry is using the same technology to sell us more shit than we need also, mostly because we have become used to deciding instantly.  I can only wonder how life would be if we decided to unplug, to think about nothing for a while. Zero data, form our own opinions based on prolonged analysis of small data sets, moments of time at a time.

Life could be less stressful without people constantly wanting to sell us something,or  tell us and our three thousand friends  about something.  Life could be easy without the constant updates on life or the red car that drove by, or the sandwich that they were having for lunch. Should we really care about latest news in politics or crime, or entertainment? I wonder how much of our sleep time that I was probably dedicated to nerve repair, is spent on processing the daily noise.  I'm sure that a paper will be out on that some day but until the day when a expert says that too much data is bad for our brains, just like too much sugar, and too much fat, I pledge to spend significant amounts of time off grid.

So if I don't respond to your email or phone call, or Facebook status in thirty minutes to a day, no worries mate.   I'm probably off grid, and  I'm sure whatever it is can wait.


The irony here is that I using the same forum to convey my ideas... yea , but I'm no hypocrite I don't expect your immediate response, or even a response for that matter. I'm just adding more data to your REM sleep processing. Do I think that communications technology is bad?  Of course not.  But I am certain that too much of anything will surely kill us sooner.

On value and appreciation.

There are a few things in life that make an individual, speaking generally, feel happy.  In my Survey of the world around me, I have collected sufficient evidence, all be it spotty and unscientific to suggest that as humans, we all need to feel valued. Of course, value is relative, just like love, and expectations, ones value depends on a variety of factors.

Without going in to the philosophy and psychology of ones value, I can say that one important thing for as as individuals is to know our value.  It is beneficial to know or value at work, at home, and every where else.  Also we need to know also how value is rewarded in those various environments.  For example, a question I might ask is:  "Can my employer indicate my value by the salary of bonuses that she gives me?" Or, "how does my significant other show that I am of great value to him?"

In the end the way society as a whole or its actors show appreciation, gives some indication of ones value.  The bigger question in all of this is: Do I know my value, and how do I measure that for myself?

The power of a power nap, and when to use coffee.

So I am feeling sleepy and I have this report to finish before the end of the day..  Being without the utility of human heat to keep me warm at night, reduces my ability to sleep for more than four hours at a time.  As a result, when it is about two pm. my body begins to ask for a nap.  There are a few choices here.  Go to bed earlier, get a Red Bull, some coffee, or take a nap for fifteen minutes.  Or maybe that 5 hour energy drink.... 

 

So I choose a fifteen minute nap, I set the alarm on my phone for 15 mins later, and rest my head.  I had the weirdest dream.  And about two mins later I hear my phone alarming, Nap time over, and guess what feel like I drank coffee.  No calories, No chemicals, feeling refreshed.  Ready to face the rest of the day.

Seven Days

It has been seven days since I have been home alone.  And I am beginning to realize why people look for partnership.  No matter all the stuff there is to do or play with it, nothing beats having some one to boss around, or boss me around.  Or to talk to or to listen to.  We really are social animals. At least I am.

Ageing is cool

There are several opportunities for us to learn from the mistakes or trials or successes in our lives, generally based on the various crossroads that we have encountered on the road of life.  Some philosophers contend that phycoanalysis helps people to understand and deal with the various situations in their lives that have affected them in some way or another.  Of course, information givers- those people who broadcast knowledge to a mass audience, portray aging, especially in american society as an ill, as a place that one should avoid.  This in turn affects many people in  a negative way, causing anxiety, at least to fear of aging.Yet, to me aging is great.  I have learnt a lot, failed a lot cried a lot and dodged many projectiles-both figuratively and physically. And time has taught me how to avoid, make up, work harder, rest, or keep chugging along depending on the situation.

There is no other way to learn about life but through living it for oneself. In the same way, it is highly improbable that we can gain knowledge, wisdom, wealth, and understanding without the help of time.  While it is true that life is a downhill battle, and that certain age points, like sixteen, twenty one, thirty, and sixty-five, are milestones for many, most of these can positive ones if we are willing to believe that our life has a purpose.  Certainly, our purpose is independent of time.

So in essence: ageing is cool. Embrace it. 

Reward... [and punishment]

While I was in grad school, just to piss off my committee, an possibly to learn more about the world, I took a graduate level English class (I'm a chemist... lets just say they didn't like the idea, and wanted to make me take an engineering course to make up for it, but I digress).  I learnt a lot from this class, about the writing process, about logical flow, about the balancing of ideas and such. But, there are two things that i consider the take home lessons for grad-school as a whole:  that we should always take time to walk in the shoes of the other, and that life is made of weird juxtapositions, word, or phrases that go together.  Examples of these are black and white, gold and silver, and reward and punishment.

Rewards are cool.  Rewards are in the purest form, a token of gratitude for doing a task correctly. Note here I said doing, and not completing. The tokens also come in many flavors.  From words to actions to tangible objects, tokens of gratitude are meant to offer praise to one for being considerate, selfless, sharing, kind, and other things like these.  Not surprisingly, our brains have become used to gaining rewards, up to the point where rewards affect our brain chemistry.  Rewards make us happy.

Of course, there is the opposite of reward- punishment. Punishment is bad. Like a reward a punishment in its purest form is a token of disapproval for not completing a task, or for doing something in a way that is not expected or approved by the other. Punishments taste sour, make us sad, mess up our brain chemistry to the point that we feel sorry for ourselves.  Punishments shame us.  Most people despise punishment.

Because these paired words have so much effect on people, the concept of reward /punishment has been exploited for centuries with the main purpose for controlling people.  Religion offers the token of a heaven for people who follow their "moral" ways, credit card companies offer us points to save on more crap that we already have or do not need.  And governments have prisons for those people who royally eff-up.

I just lost my trend of taught.

Anyways, my point is, rewards are cool.  Punishments suck.  People use these to mess with our heads, to the point where we try to reward/punish our selves to mess with our own heads.  Crazy!

Now I need a reward, hmm what will it be?

On fear.

Fear is a self fulfilling circular construct that makes us weak. Yet fear was designed to protect us.

Sounds like some smart infuluential person should say this, and maybe they did, but I got a chance to think about it.  It appears that there are so many phobias in the world.  People are afraid of heights, birds, cats, mice, caterpillars.  Many people know that their fear is irrational, but still they have the fear.  Such fear is innate, and no matter what we do to trick our minds  into believing that we can deal with this issue, the slightest moment that we run into auto pilot, start to cruise in order to deal with external stressors, the possibility of triggering that fear increases.

So what do we do about it.  Can we avoid stress all of the time? The short answer is no.  Can we avoid shifting into autopilot? Well we must eat, and to eat we must take the stress of work and society.  Thus we must learn to recognize when we enter autopilot.

To summarize, stress enhances fear.  Fear makes us crazy, craziness makes us stressed. Thus we should learn to recognize when we are stressed to avoid getting crazy.

Partnerships

Humans are social animals.  We need each other to survive.  Whether it is the case that we need a job from some one or a company so that we can have that necessary funds to get our business done, or it is that we invite people into our company so that we can share our lives, our joy sadness or whatever.  We are indeed social animals and I am one too.

On porn and the enjoyment of it.

So I have been considering the many ways to make this project more about self discovery.  About getting to know me specifically, and in doing so I am taking time to think about the things that I somewhat like to indulge in.

One of the things that I spent a copious amount of time doing was searching for and viewing pornography.  The thrill of the search was not to just watch the images, after all apart from size color and shape, sexual organs are the same.  Added to that, not all of the models were aesthetically appealing, at least to me. I enjoyed searching for porn, before the the cloud, high bandwidth broadband, and dual core processors, in order to screw the man-  in order to get the most content for free.

I don't enjoy searching, looking for/at porn any more, because its now widely available, and free.

I guess in thinking about my attitude towards sex, is that I love the chase.  It could also mean that sex, or the image thereof, is more appealing to me when I have to work for it.

I wonder who has the same view.

On race

I spoke earlier about black and white and about seeing color. This gave me some incite into the way we perceive the other.

in america, the population in general is too obcessed about race. the "ethnicity" question, though vollountary, appears on most forms that one would use to apply for services, a job, healthcare and so on. they say its for records only that it will not be used against you.

so why ask?

And there is some irony in saying that you are free to decline from answering the questions, like if your race is privileged you wont say you don't belong to it.

Still i think we should see race. But we should see it as a biological reality. some thing that one cannot change.

to ask or not to ask thats the question.

On creation.

so it may seem that some things eat grass.  like sheep and goats and cows.  While some others eat fruit, like humans, for example.  well its all different.
this thought brings me back to high school biology.  ecology to be exact. that all things were created different in order to create balance in the ecosystem.
so some plants were tall, and some others were medium and some where small. and the same was for animals

now i look at humans.  we live in an ecosystem too.  but our human eco system is strained, ans so there is no harmony between us.  its sad real sad

And it came

Spring is finally here. the place is getting green again.  Green Love.

 And the plants are blooming too.

the flowers are are showing off their glorious beauty

it is so cool to be spring.

Love in any language

I was thinking about the way we speak.  I am bilingual, and possibly trilingual if i consider that i also speak house language- basically broken English, or casual English (I ain't no English teacher, so i doh fink my english is broken) And its all different.

Then i think about speech readers, like Martin Luther King Jr, and FDR, and possibly Obama, people who can say word phrases that we remember, such as "I have a Dream,...." and "There's nothing to fear but fear itself.." and "Yes we can.." 

And then there are those people who try not to be pretentious in the way they make speeches like Bill Clinton, and Sarah Pailin. 

And then I think what went wrong with the latter?

Potential and Equilibrium, Kinetics and Rate

I was thinking about energy today, because of a project that I work on.  And thinking about these there are two other concepts that tie the two together, that is kinetics and rate.  Of course rate is covered under kinetics, but the two aren't necessarily the same.  So here is the mental process.

In life many of us have potential, that is the ability to become something, usually great, or above normal. However our ability to achieve that potential is limited by the kinetics of our existence. These kinetics are to oversimplify all of the shit that we have to deal with, such as school, work, significant others, supervisors and random people that mess up our sense of equilibrium.  Equilibrium, being a steady continuous state where we balance the effects of all of the outside factors on our sense of life.

We can achieve potential, which is also a steady state, but it all depends on the kinetic factors that mess with us.

On keeping in touch

As we grow up we find new people and friends, and some times forget to remember those we had good times with.  And of course as we grow up we also find new people that we can do these things with.  The beautiful thing that I have realized is that, as I look back on the folks that i spent my formative years with, i cannot help but feel good about the path that i have lead thus far.  That is cool.

Sadness

I spoke to two people in the last 24 hours and they both have different approaches to God.  One was sad, always sad and disappointed about life, and the weather on the road that she traveled.  She lived in a constant state of grief.  Grief about being alone, about loosing her parents when she was young, and grief about always being in hardship.

The other lived in a state of contentment, or understanding.  Understanding that makes life's disappointing seem to be natural.  One where chaos is equal to 1.  One who understands that every thing is not perfect, and that laughing at life's irony is well, required.

But then i took time to think about the former, that when life has provided her with such messed up weather, there is nothing to smile about.  There is nothing to laugh at.  One who dreams, where happiness occurs in dreams.  And sadness and worry occurs in dreams.  And life is but a big sob fest. One where life is depressing. One where life is uncool.

Dense.  The things tragedy's are made of.  Art imitating life.  Life being harder than life.  Crazy.  True. An independent film.

On silence

Growing up, I frequently heard the proverb, "silence is golden."  Of course, where I came from, there was an idiom for everything, so it was easy to ignore them. Lately, however, I have taken time to reconsider the things that I learned, and dismissed while I was growing up.  Thus the topic silence.

As I have taken a new look at silence I have come to rediscover that silence is truly golden.  From silence I have come to learn and understand many things that I have taken for granted truly matter.  That moments that i take to enjoy the silence, I get to hear, and truly listen to the inner voice, which all of the noises of modern living mute out.

And the voices are wise. And i gain new incite, incite which is truly worth a lot of gold- even at todays inflated prices.

Silence is gold

Empathy, an introduction.

This topic should really be part of my discovering hope series, but I have not taken sufficient time to ponder the topic to the point where i can discuss it fully.  I think it is important for me to consider empathy as part of ones emotional arsenal, because it is human to feel pain, both physical and emotional.  It is true that all pain is in our head, and it is up to the person in pain to describe the hurt.  It is also important for the person listening, or treating the hurting individual to be able to "walk in the shoes of the one in pain." To do this, one has to either have experienced the kind of pain before, or vicariously understand the meaning of the experience.

Understanding pain is one thing, but helping one deal with pain is a great other.  Here empathy, messes with sympathy, and these two can make a big wash in the behavior of another.  I suppose the question that I am trying to deal with here is how to sympathize when I am not sure that i empathize with a situation.  For example how does one deal with the death of a loved one when they have not dealt with death, or divorce, or infidelity even.

I am sure that we see these things on TV or we read about them in books, and we can live the experiences through these media, but how is it when it comes to us and our friends?  I guess that it is me, I'm a lot bad at empathy, which makes me bad at compassion.  Here, compassion is one way to sympathize and show solidarity with others, in a moment of weakness.

The other question is, do we have to?  And the other shouldn't we.

On black and white

Some real artsy pictures, especially portraits look better in black and white.  I think that it is so because, the amount of contrast that exits between each grain or pixel within the picture is much limited, and only accounts for a two dimensional view of the picture.  Upon looking at the picture, the viewers brain enhances, by some brain correction algorithm, the picture to create depth, and upon doing so assumes beauty.

On the other hand full color pictures are not so impressive, possibly because the brain has less calculations to run before it can call it beautiful.

Consequently the brain perceives black and white as beautiful, it assumes that contrasting light and dark and by substituting the shades of grey for depth, that the challenge = the beauty of the art.  With color, the brain is not greatly challenged, or it makes shortcuts.  We can say that with a colored picture each of the primary and secondary colors are computed, followed by the amount of light and intensity of the light.

Since most of us "see" in color, we don't take much time to find depth in colorful images- we take them as is.

So where am I going with this?

Not sure.

But one conclusion, challenges make life beautiful.

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Is free stuff good?

Some people say that the best things in life are free.  I have also heard if it's free take two.  College people love free, because cash is rare and advertizing for any one is no biggie.

Still some who claim to be wise state that nothing is free.

I believe that in all of the things that can be sold or given away, there is one that is both.  Life is free.  Strangely, life is also priceless.

Life is free to give, free to take, priceless to loose, and priceless to keep alive.

Some people say that life is cheap.  But they also say that talk is cheap.

I know that although all of the above may be true, the bottom line remains that life is good, and free.

On second chances

The sun shines in the sky giving us light and heat energy.  It comes back every morning renewing our lives with the energy that is essential for life and plant growth.  Like us the sun goes to bed and returns.  Of course, unlike us the sun is eternal (or will live longer than most of us)  however like the sun, in order to be useful we have to share our energy, even if most of it is hardly used.  Like the sun, we must strive to be consistent, to shine even when the clouds are out, even when it snows.

In life there will always be second chances, always the day after the rain.  If we always try to be consistent in the things we do, like the sun is always present, we will always be the most important object in our universe.

A thought for today.

I came from a culture where helping others is some thing we just do.  Its kinda like in American culture where making money is something we do, or if we cant, we dream about it. I taught about that because, i believe that it is important to want to do things to help others.  From just saying hi in order to brighten up ones day, to making people believe that they are worthy to inhabit this planet.  Or by just listening.

What can I do for you? (Don't worry, no strings are attached)

For the love of humans.

I think that we are all inherently good, and for that i love all of us.  Even the not so good ones.

On evil.

I spent a few days at home and heard many references to events as being the cause of people's purposeful use of evil to cause harm to another. On the first listening my conclusion (though I dare not express it) is that's not possible. My question is how can one cause the summoning of dark powers to cause the harm of another?

On the way back to my other home I took some time to ponder about this, actually I am doing this right now. If good is possible that some one can use the power of good to heal and to beneficial increase ones well being, then I suppose evil is also possible. The power of good is driven by others sense that the other ought to be treated in a humane manner. That the others happiness is just as important as the one. Since there are many was to produce goodness, then there has to be many ways to produce bad.

Having set up the logical understanding of the purpose of good and evil I must then consider the pathways to producing good or evil against another. Does good happen when we pray to the Gods or the universe? Can we wish good will unto someone? I suppose that we can. And if we can do this for good, then the converse is true. We can wish bad luck also. Now the biggest concept has to be dealt with. The administrator of good and evil.

Considering that there is a power that administers good and evil is a question of faith. That there is a magic force, whether we call it God or Satan that "inflicts" these forces upon us. Thus we have to accept that if there is faith in good that there has to be faith in evil too. There has to be a balance.

So now I have to admit that my initial reaction to my folks belief is wrong. Or that I am a hypocrite. If I believe in good, I cannot dismiss the possibility of evil.

Evil exists

Up in the sky

The world is beautiful. People are not. I feel like migrating to a new place. Somewhere where no one knows me. Where I can do whatever. I am just tired of being poor.

Taking time to think

I have decided to make this publication a little more personal. To share more. I heard somewhere that compulsive over sharing is a sign of manic depression [bipolar disorder].  I suppose that i am not disordered in this way.
I have lived most of my life keeping my life private.  mostly because my mother in her infinite wisdom, figured that my grandmother [dad's mom] had some king of vendata against her. and that she (grandma) would try to affect us (dads kids) in order to affect her (mama). A little crazy?  Well not really.

In our culture, these things are acceptable.  The people of the Caribbean know full well that in small communities jealousy, and hate can be part of our lives.  This is the case in many cultures.  In the Caribbean, however, people  will not miss an opportunity to share their feelings... mostly good, but definitely bad.

So protection gone awry, I don't share any thing.  Its really sad.

Today is the day that I am willing to share.  And I shall. So listen.

Keys

A key does not have any function if there is no lock. Another way to put it ... Without a lock, a key is worthless. But is a lock worthless without a key? Up to a point.

A lock will keep a door closed for ever, a lock will prevent information, ideas, people, thieves, water from flowing into and out of a gate or door. Thus without a key a lock will protect, isolate, provide a sense of security, prevent movement. Whichever side of the gate one or ones information or ones belongings are it will remain forever- without a key.

Keys on the other hand allow for doors and gates to be opened, they work with the lock to provide security, and allow openings for freedom, keys open doors to better things (and worst things too).  Keys enable the movement of information because they allow a lock to fully realize its potential.

I am like a master key. But  need a sense of purpose to continue. Thus I am always searching for a lock. One that is rigid and diligently keeps doing its job no matter what the weather is like.

If you just smile

I believe that that we can all get along if we try to be nice to each other.  And think about the other like would like to think about ourselves.

I wonder who invented toilet paper

Toilet paper probably changed the lives of the folks who used leaves, cloth newspaper or plain old water. To choose between not comfortable and just icky. Hmmm
But cut down some trees and turn it into paper to wipe our arses.
Changed our lives for good.

Why.

I am a selfish mindless twit, it about anyone that doesn't give a shit about any one but myself.
in all of that I am not all good.
I run.
to a happy place called solitude.
where no one
nothing
can make my life more difficult.
But my life is good, I tell myself
while i do what the man tells me to do.

and that i dont think, or have no idea
of what being or thinking about the other
means.

being alone sucks, being the victim
is a bad place to be.
but how can we live if we live without
life to enjoy the moments

still, i am a mindless twit.
with no compassion for the other.
because the other is happy.

me in my perpetual sadness, with the facade of
composed.

still I am a wondering darkness with a place in this world.

Half empty?

So I am at a little of a standstill, bit off a little more than I could chew. And now I'm sitting here, mouth full slowly, and patiently working my amylose glands to capacity. I feel a little overwhelmed. My mouth is full, my stomach is full and still I want more.

Its been a whole week and I am doing this so that I can get back on track on my other publication. I think I took a wrong turn. Well, not really, what I took was a hard turn. I mean how can I speak of others truly without looking at me?
Well that was the plan. So ill get back to my book. Now that I am full of work, and little time to spend on my ambitious project of discovering me.
Lucas Fontenelle

i feel unmotivated.

shits not going the way i planned and there is noting i can do about it .  should i play or keep chugging along?

1.3 On despair: Can emotional attachment just "be" - or is there work to it?

I said  the previous section that that I can just love. I said that all I need to do about emotional attachment was to declare it. We must, for the purpose of discovery, consider the opposing view. Therefore, i will consider the following possible truths:*
     I cannot declare that I am having joy without doing something to get there. 
     Bliss is obtained through ritual, and when I declare my love for someone, something or some event,   
    it requires work on my part.

I cannot "just" love my mother or my friend, I have to do stuff to show or grow the emotional attachment. Otherwise, people become possessions, like the ipod or the big flashy car or the designer wardrobe (even with these things, because of the emotional attachment many still enjoy the ritual of taking care of them).  When i declare my love i have to prove my love.  In the case of my mother, I must show her respect, i must listen to her impart her wisdom, I should strive to look after her wellbeing, and must be there for her in her time of need.  In the case of my friend, i must be there for him when he needs me, I should make time for play and I should be willing to tell him the truth even if it hurts.  All of these actions build attachments, they help forward trust and they make a friend or a significant other more than an object, or a stranger.  In summary: One cannot declare love.  One needs to grow love.

So how emotional attachment this tie in to despair, and is there ever going to be hope? Simply put they are all feelings.  But to be more specific,  I'll share part of the story of my elementary school years. Growing up I knew many people, loved three, trusted two. I didn't interact with my peers much, didn't talk to many people. Basically I was a loner. I learnt to become self sufficient, did what I had to, invented the tools that I was not privy to. I didn't want people in my space and if they came I would find a way to make them vamoose. I am still in many ways this person. It is a struggle to change. More later.

* since most opinions are based on ones emotions, and that all emotions are true, the anti thesis to just be is also true.

1.2 On despair. Finding emotional attachment

Growing up, I always had a feeling that I couldn't feel. I would sit around and look at others have fun and would wonder what it would feel like to have fun. I longed for the feeling of joy. Was joy found in doing stuff or was it found at the end of doing stuff? What made the kids laugh while they we're running after the ball, what were they thinking? Was that joy?

I have come to accept that joy is joy. And that fun comes the ritual of doing, but I still have questions about developing emotional attachment. For the next few sections I will seek to elaborate.

When I think about emotional attachment, I think about my mother. I love my mom. I love my mom because I just do. With this love comes respect a feeling to want to do stuff for her that will make her happy. I suppose this bond was supposed to be both for learning about emotions and for teaching the actions of emotional attachment.

Another way I can speak about emotional attachment is in thinking about my wife. I love my wife. I feel. The strongest bond to her. I'm not happy when she is not around, and I'm not happy when she is sad. I want to do all I can for her so that she can always be full of joy. When I think about her I don't th about me. I become secondary. I want for her to achieve all that she can do all she can be all she can. and I want to help her do these things. I respect her, try m best to be kind to her, basically do all that is good for her. Try my best to please her.

Still. I wonder if what I have just described is an expression of emotional attachment or stalking. Are the lines that thin? And still I will say I love my wife because I do. That love and joy and fun are different forms of the same thing.
Lucas Fontenelle

Chapter 1.1 On despair: deconstructing disappointment

So I have been in this place for seven years, and now I going on eight. There have been a few victories, marginal ones, but many, many, many, moments of disappointment. I say disappointment here because I was not happy about the outcome, or the expectations of these events. They were about school, or they were about life, they were about family, about being married or sometimes just about random shit.

Disappointment, to me, is failing to realize the expected outcome of a situation that is especially important. This suggests that there has to be some emotional investment in the outcome of an event for it to be disappointing. For example if some random persons child performs poorly at an activity, it is very rare that many people will be disappointed. This is chiefly because of the lack of emotional attachment of the general public to some random kid's success. On the other hand we share disappointment with our brother's or sisters failure, because of our emotional attachment.

I may seem to be deconstructing the concept of disappointment in order to find hope, but please bear with me. It is for a reason.

Preface. This is what I was taught to believe

In my native culture, one of the highest forms of spiritual growth is the belief or capacity of hope. Our people believe that all circumstances will become better, that all that ails us will stop ailing us some time in the future. There are so many examples of adversity that becomes overcome by hope that it could probably take the rest of my life to explain or discuss them. And, this is what I will try to do with this blog. I will try to find hope by vicarious experience. Find peace from the perceived belief in the goodness of man, and in the positive fate of mother nature. Here I will try to find hope in my self and in others by taking time to explain and discover why my people have hope, why I should have hope, and hopefully, why you should believe in hope.

It should seem obvious by now that I am loosing hope in the goodness of the universe. Still, by taking time to write this note it may also become clear to you that somewhere deep inside of me I believe that I should believe. But there is turmoil or what the psychologists would call cognitive dissonance. I think that I should have hope, but the universe is not showing me a sign. Or, is it that I am so blinded by all that is going on around me that I cannot see the goodness, or the positive outcome?

Take this journey with me, let us see if we should validate the concept of hope.